There is a general notion in the social world that you need to put the needs of others ahead of your own in order to go above and beyond. While there is some sense of nobility in this statement, it is shallow on a broader scale.
We, as human beings, are by and large trained to work in teams. Whether it involves running a household, raising a family, running a company, or living a happy life. We are social beings and the urge to be recognized for our contributions and sacrifices motivates us to be good partners in this social world. In the grand scheme of things, being helpful and respectful is not only admirable but necessary yet there is an evil hiding in the face of humility when our actions are motivated by those who aim to control the social narrative.
I have always been a believer in putting individual responsibility ahead of the group and there are reasons for that.
One, the degree of a person’s contribution to society can only be measured by what they bring to the table. If you are not responsible for yourself, your surroundings, your health, and your safety, you can’t possibly believe you can provide for others in a productive manner.
Second, the act of selflessness is an almost impossible one to carry on for long periods of time as resentment and envy set at the moment we compare ourselves with others and the way our social world is designed, the poison of envy, jealousy, resentment, and hate to catch up to the best of us.
And third, there are no rules to what one can do to be considered valuable by all in this world. You may have added a ton of value to a large group of people but because of the political divide that so obviously exists, there will be those who would consider the miracles you perform nothing but an effort to put others down. You can’t make everyone happy.
Yet, there is no reason to be skeptical of our world. There are many that believe in things you believe in. Some adore your existence, but you must find the people who believe in you. The primary aim of putting oneself first is to make sure we provide the best of ourselves to this beautiful world.
Yes, some people want to divide us but more of us want to unite us. Bask in the glory of your powers and learn to adapt the greatest powers of them all; adaptability, forgiveness, acceptance, and optimism.
Optimism as defined by the Oxford Dictionary is the hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something.
There are always two or more ways a person thinks. Some people are pessimists who fail to find the good in an experience or person or simply deny looking beyond the struggle and hardship. Then some are optimistic about certain aspects or people in their lives but pessimistic about other aspects. These people are usually trying to gather all the information before they decide which way they lean. Then there are the eternal optimists who believe that every aspect of their lives teaches them something and there is no reason to believe that something is permanently broken. I fall in this category. While it may seem that being an eternal optimist is impractical (at times, it is), I believe that I have found the balance in my thought process, allowing me to control my emotions better no matter the situation.
Through this article, I aim to establish the pros and cons of each of these philosophies or ways of thinking. There can’t be a wrong or a right philosophy but there can certainly be a more positive and negative one which defines the levels of fulfilment and happiness we experience in our lives.
Contrary to the consensus, optimism can be developed but there are steps towards building anything of value. You are not born an optimist or a pessimist. Some individuals develop their way of life and think about life with a fixed mindset which is a result of their upbringing, environment, and struggles and some have grown up in an environment that challenges them constantly to change their beliefs which helps them develop a growth mindset. It’s important to note that mindsets can change, develop, and be optimised to help growth and attain fulfilment in the long term.
After reading the above passages, one would think that it is a matter of common sense to be an optimist and the easier path to take but it’s not that simple. To be an optimist, one has to drain out all the external voices and pressures. Optimists are often victims of anxiety, depression, and imposter syndrome when they are faced with failure regularly. Definition of what an optimist is and what an optimist isn’t:
An optimist is someone who:
- Aims for constant improvement
- Acknowledges the problems to resolve them
- Addresses issues as challenges to overcome
- Finds the good in tough times
- Learns from failure
- Doesn’t give up but knows when to alter the route
- Understands that change is hard but necessary
- Isn’t shy to have the tough conversations
An optimist isn’t someone who:
- Criticises everyone around them
- Refuses to see the bigger picture
- Doesn’t try the hard things
- Avoids having the necessary conversations
- Spreads an air of negativity
- Can’t acknowledge areas of self-improvement
- Ignores those who aim to motivate
- Has a negative worldview
I recently read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset. With numerous studies involving students, business professionals, sports personalities, and others, she establishes that people fall into 2 categories of mindset; fixed and growth. Her definition of fixed and growth mindset helps the readers understand how one can develop a growth mindset, be stuck in a fixed mindset, and how mindsets aren’t permanent. Carol also states that one person can carry both mindsets depending on the task at hand. Similar to her mindset arguments, I believe that each individual can feel optimistic about one challenge or experience and the same individual may feel pessimistic about another challenge or experience. There can’t be a fixed state in which we can process our thoughts.
So the question rises, how can we be optimistic more than we are pessimistic? Just like all valuable things in life, it’s a process. You have to be intentional in your thought process and be willing to learn about all possibilities to find one that makes you feel optimistic about the situation you are in. We have a different emotional responses to every experience and thus it has to be a constant effort to stay optimistic.
I have developed a simple process to stay or become optimistic about situations in my life:
- Learn how the situation or predicament is going to affect oneself and plan to deal with it
- Acknowledge the risks and rewards associated with one’s actions
- Acknowledge our losses as losses but also as lessons learned for future planning
- Stay a realist but find creative ways to make the experience more of a path to success
- Understand that no experience, no matter how painful, is without its upsides
- Communicate with those who have been in your situation to understand their experiences and then apply the best solution(s)
- Detach from yourself to then evaluate the situation as a coach, mentor, or a leader
- Once evaluated, be calculative in the following steps to make sure of a positive outcome
The outcome is of the least importance when starting this process. It’s important to get accustomed to the process and add one’s flavours to get the best use of it.
I aim to help you grow as an individual and being optimistic is important to polish your personality, thoughts, and processes. Leading a successful life isn’t about holding a big bank balance alone but it’s also about being fulfilled and finding joy in how you do the things you do every day.
I loved a quote I recently read on retirement,”Retire from your job, but never retire your mind.”
While this resonates with my beliefs, my recent observation of people around me running from accepting basic responsibilities has disappointed me. I understand that the pandemic has slowed down businesses, working from home has been a challenge for a large number of us. Relationships have suffered even more than usual and an existential crisis pandemic has hit almost everyone who lacks purpose in their daily lives. This includes me to an extent as well.
While these are all very real issues and the solution to overcome these issues aren’t simple, what’s more perplexing is that a lot of us have given up on living entirely. Now, when I say that someone has given up on living, I don’t mean to say that people have stopped breathing or just stopped existing. They are very much here in their physical form but the majority seem to have given up on expanding their minds.
When a human being is stagnant in their mind, they are willing to let go of all the learnings in this world and growth that lies in consuming that knowledge. It’s a universally accepted fact that the only constant is change but there is one more constant which a limited number of us talk about; death. Death is a state that can’t be changed. Once you are there, there is no way to breathe life into yourself and change this condition of the human body. While the death I just mentioned is life leaving the body, there are some people who have retired the potential of their minds in order to just go through the rest of their days in complete and utter waste of time and space they occupy.
Now, I don’t want to sound mean but the fact of the matter is that those who accept their fate and give up on improving their lives have literally admitted to themselves that there is nothing better on the other side of trying harder. They have made a conscious decision to live in their vacuum and call it the way this world works. Living within your capacity/limits has overtake reach for the stars and those who think of themselves as being real and experienced can’t seem to look beyond these beliefs because their crowd (also the real and experienced kind) call them wise and masters of life.
Do you accept your current miserable and uninspired state of life because that’s the wise thing to do?
Or
Are you willing to go beyond the realms of the easy living to realise the potential of real living through hard work and persistence?
Yes, this is the same old motivational/self – reflection kind of piece asking everyone reading this to look beyond their current lives in order to achieve more but this is moreover directed to those who think that its okay to spend a life of mediocrity because its easy.
Everything that is easy isn’t necessarily bad or negative for you but an accepted state of easy living is a state of living that doesn’t inspire growth of the human mind and potential. Push yourself not by setting up goals that you will never come around to realise but by setting up goals that will inspire you each day of your life. Let yourself rest when it’s necessary to rest but the mind never rests and the ultimate price of this state of early retirement leads to regret, pain and suffering which just wastes time even further.
Be willing and obvious in your actions that are meant to expand your mind. When you are trying to go beyond you are letting yourself and your mind know that there is much more to live for. You are letting yourself know that while the easy life is addictive because of its sort of effortless nature, a demanding mindset is what helps your potential find its home.
Parth Rawal
There has been a surge in the number of people trying to “find themselves” through actions that may seem selfish and ignorant of the emotions and progress of others, but that’s not true in every case. For the most part, when you do anything good for yourself which can range from your personal relationships to your workplace, you are rewarding yourself first, then those around you. You may then begin to feel appreciation for their presence more.